thak gyi hun khud se.....Samjh nhi aata aakhir karun to karun kya ...!
Marna chahti hun lekin marne ke liye himmat nahi .....jeena chahti hun par kahin koyi vajah nahi.
Aisa nahi hai ki mai hamesha se nirashavadi rahi hun....Mai to vo insaan thi ki kisi ki burayi me bhi apne liye acchayi khoj leti thi....par in kuchh salon me mai bahut badal gyi hun....!
kabhi kabhi to mai khud se darne lagi hun...ki agr aisa hi chalta raha to kya mai sahi rah paungi.
mujhe pata hai jindgi aasan nahi hoti....aur maine hamesa se sabkuchh aasan chaha , kbhi parivar ke khilaf kuchh nahi kiya ....yahan tak ki kabhi apni life ko injoy hi nahi kar payi.
hamesa muskilon se door rahrahkar khud ko safe Jon me daal liya aur ab pata chala ki mujhe to aasan chijon ki aadat si ho gyi hai....par ek sawal hai kin aasan chijon ki...?
kbhi doston ke sath masti nhi kar payi...taki maa papa ko bura na Lage , kbhi school chhoda nhi taaki teacher ke samne sharmida na hona pade , kbhi jhuth nhi bola taki pacchtava na ho , kbhi kisi ko galat tarike se uske rang, roop,paise se judge nhi kiya taaki khud ko aayine ke samne sharmida na karun , kabhi boyfriend nahi banaya bas esliye taaki maa - baap ke samne sammaj ke samne sanskaari bani rahun....!
Khud ko her un chijon se door rakha Jo mujhe aajadi de , Jo mujhe khushi de , Jo mujhe ye ehsaas kareye ki mai bhi ek insaan hun....!
In sari chijon ke pichhe ek vajah aur thi mujhe apne parivar aur apni kismat par bahut bharosa tha ki aage chalkar mujhe bahut acchi life milegi....!
lekin aaj mujhe apne paida hone par , ladki hone par aur Kismat ke sath sath parivar aur sabse jyada us bhagwan se bahut hi jyada nafrat hai....!
nafrat hai ki mai abhi jis life ko ji rahi hun kya sach me mai yahi deserve karti hun...Mai itni buri life ke hi layak hun....agr han to mujhe iska jawab chahiye...!
mujhe eska jawab khud ke alawe her kisi se chahiye....parivar , kismat ,bhagwan sabse....
continue......
