"Living in the Sunlight"
HENRY ate his breakfast in silence. first glancing through the day-old Calcutta Statesman, and then a four-weeks-old Times, stack- ing the pages neatly on the table kept by his side; going through porridge and cream, eggs and bacon and fried halved tomatoes, buttered toast, marmalade, two slices of papaya, three cups of tea.
"Can't we get English marmalade any more?" he asked his wife.
Jean had just come into the verandah, carrying an armful of dahlias she had plucked from the garden. 'Marmalade? Oh! Not in the Tinapur shops, and the Club won't give us more than a jar a month. You'll just have to make do with Indian-made marmalade."
Filling his first pipe of the day. Henry looked at his wife as she sat in the window, bending over the red and pink and yellow flowers as though posed for a colour photograph. She wore a yellow, loose-fitting cardigan and a grey skirt. and a flowered heavily mud- spattered apron. She looked more appealing than ever, Henry thought with a cmious detachment, more beautiful than when he had first seen her on Sudden's lawn.
For Henry Winton, it was a matter of intense, personal pride that his wife should be so beautiful, with just the necessary irre gularity in her features to lift her face above the merely handsome; finely chiselled. well bred, so wholly and unmistakably English. like English lavender, this woman he had brought back from his home leave, having caught her on the rebound when she had found that the man she had loved and considered herself engaged to was no longer in love with her. She had accepted him then, without any reservations, almost overwhelming him with the rush of her emotions, headlong and totally unrestrained, as though making up for denying her love to him in the beginning.
And he had brought her in triumph, from a prim. Cheltenham lawn to the wild hills of upper Assam; all the way to his plantation bungalow perched high up in the skies, remote and inaccessible.
like an eagle carrying away his kill to his lair. out of reach of other birds, cleaning up the place for her, making it worthy of receiving her by getting rid of Ruby Miranda.
As he looked fondly at his wife, bending over the flowers, Henry caught himself wondering how Ruby Miranda would have looked wearing those clothes, the loose yellow cardigan and the plain grey skirt with the mud-stained apron. Ruby would never have worn clothes like that, he told himself, he could never visualize Ruby in casual, loose-fitting clothes. Ruby had to have her dresses skin tight, always bright and satiny....
Jean glanced up from the flowers and happened to catch his gaze. She peered inquiringly at him, and he started and turned his eyes away guiltily as though she had fathomed his innermost thoughts.
'Are you sure Eddie's got a dinner jacket?' Jean was asking. "It would have been so much simpler to ask him to come in a lounge suit."
"Sudden wouldn't have approved. Anyway, I know Trevor has gut a dee-jay. I've seen him wearing it. But I can't get used to the idea of your referring to the man as Eddie.' Jean laughed. I couldn't very well go for a ride on his motor- cycle over your dizzy mule-tracks and still go on mistering him, could I? Besides, I've always called him Eddie. You seem to forget we were on the same boat going home." And I wish he hadn't sent the trout."
"But darling... I nearly jumped with joy when his boy turned up with those trout. We'll be able to give Sudden such a wonderful dinner; both trout and pheasant' Otherwise it might have had to be tanned salmon.... What do you think?" She was holding up the large cut-glass bowl now filled with dahlias., 'For the spare-room.
Sudden loves flowers; the bigger at the more violently coloured the better.... I wonder how he ever got married to any one as colourless as lady D. Have we got enough soda?
'A dozen bottles. Enough?"
'Rather. We're having wine with dinner."
Why isn't Sir Jeffrey bringing Kitty with him?"
'He never takes her out on an inspection."
'Just as well he isn't bringing her. One of them would have had to sleep on the camp-bed. Whatever did you do, Henry, when you had some husband and wife staying with you?"
"I never had a couple visiting me, thank God. Only Sudden comes up for his inspections, every six months or so. Occasionally, another
planter.... 'No one else?"
Henry gave her a sharp look. What was she trying to find out? Had the servants been saying things to her?
'No.'
The room certainly needed dusting. I have just been having it turned out for Sir Jeffrey's visit."
"Marvellous dinner! pronounced Sudden, splashing tabasco sauce on the mushroom savoury. 'Wonderful wife you've got, Henry. Where on earth did you get the trout?"
Trevor sent the trout, Sir Jeffrey,' said Henry. We have to thank him for the trout."
Thank you,' said Sudden to Trevor, bowing his head slightly.
Went fishing yesterday,' said Trevor, smiling shyly. 'I was lucky....
You must let me into the secret one of these days," said Sudden.
When I go fishing, they never seem to look at a fly. 'Eddie shot an enormous python the other day, put in Jean.
Did you now? How enormous?' asked Sudden.
' "Nineteen-feet-six, sir,' Trevor told him.
'Mmmm, that's big, jolly big; must have taken a lot of killing."
Just one shot,' said Eddie proudly, 'one shot in the head."
" 'Hummm; and what sort of a gun have you got?"
I have no gun, sir. Mr. Winton very kindly lent me his Manton."
The hammer one?"
"Yes, sir, got a very good choke on it,' said Eddie.
Oh, that ancient thing! How could you, Henry? The thing may blow up any day. Why don't you get a proper gun,' Sudden asked Trevor, 'if you're really keen on shooting? Are you keen on shooting?"
'Very keen, sir."
'Look,' said Sudden. I'll leave one of my twelve-bores here, so that you can put in a spot of shooting here before you... before you get called up.'
You mean one of... one of the Purdy pair?" asked Henry, taken aback. Was Sudden really offering one of his beloved Purdy's to Trevor, absolutely priceless guns now that there was a war on...? Sudden who normally would never trust anyone else to handle his guns?
"Yes, one of the pair. I have no other shotguns."
"Oh, Sir Jeffrey!... I really couldn't,' began Eddie. I mean Why not? Of course you can,' said Sudden a little tartly.
'Now don't go saying "I really couldn't", Eddie,' Jean ad- monished him playfully. Say thank you to the nice gentleman.'
You just be careful, that's all,' said Sudden.
'Oh, I'll be careful, extremely careful, sir; nurse it like a baby....
"I didn't mean the gun, dammit!' Sudden said. 'I mean you'd better not go about taking fool chances with pythons and things like that. Pythons take a lot of killing, as Henry here will tell you."
I'll be very careful, sir.' Trevor promised, 'very careful."
Sudden Dart was in a really expansive mood that evening. Henry had never seen him so relaxed and happy before. When Jean had left the table after dinner, he told Eddie Trevor how he was going to hold his job for him, and to try and see that he got a manager- ship after the war.
Much casier to lay that on tickety-boo for Lieutenant or Captain Trevor than just plain Mister Trevor, what?" And then Sudden had come out with it, 'Oh, yes, you'll get your commission, all right. They'll have to find enough officers for an army of a million men in India. General Maclean has assured me that he will be doing his best, and if Jock Maclean can't get his way in GHQ, well, no one else can. He's tipped to be the next army commander, y'know.' And with that, Sudden raised his gloss and added. 'Here's luck. Eddie!"
Henry joined in the toast, but he felt a mounting sense of irrita- tion. Without seeming to try. Eddie Trevor was stealing all the warmth of Sudden's new-found expansiveness. 'Shall we go and join the lady, sir?' he suggested.
'Certainly, said Sudden, rising with alacrity, 'certainly."
They went into the big sitting-room with the rustic, rubble-work fire-place and Henry's major hunting trophies on the walls and the tiger rug on the floor. The number one houseboy brought in a tray of sparkling liqueur glasses and a bottle of Drambuie. Henry was glad to see that Jean was having a drink for he had thought she had been looking a little tense and tired all through the evening, as though she had been overdoing things. As a rule jean neither drank nor smoked, but to-day she had already had two glasses of Sauterne with dinner, and now she was having a liqueur.
Henry leaned over her and patted her shoulder. "Tired?" he whispered.
Just a little,' she said.
Eddie Trevor refused a glass of Drambuie, as he had refused all drinks before and during dinner. He was dressed in a black alpaca dinner jacket which seemed to bring out the spareness of the tall. athletic figure, accentuate the slimness of the hips; and the subdued highting in the room made his somewhat sharply etched features and hus deep-set black eyes look less un-English and even, Henry admitted with reluctance, handsome in a theatrical way. Try a cigar, Eddie,' said Sudden, offering him his pigskin gold- edged case.
No, thank you," said Eddie politely. I've got to nurse my wind, for hockey. All 1 smoke is this,' and Trevor held out a green and white packet of Kool cigarettes.
"Don't those affect your wind?' asked Henry.
'I never smoke more than four cigarettes a day, five at the most, that is my rule. Trevor explained. But even that is bad enough. Dhyan Chand would throw a fit if he were to find out that I smoke. Anyway, I cut it out completely while in training. No smoking or drinking, so long as one wants to play hockey." 'American, are they?' asked Jean.
"Yes, cork-tipped and menthol-cooled. Would you like to try one?"
'No, thank you. I don't mind a drink, now and then, but I don't think I could ever learn to smoke.'
No smoking, no drinking, grim, isn't it?" said Sudden with a hearty laugh. Wouldn't do for us, what, Henry? Thank god we're long past the age of training for hockey."
The radio was playing soft, light music. Fddie Trevor rose to his feet, walked across to Jean's chair and asked, "Would you like to dance?"
'Certainly, said Jean, smiling at him and rising
They danced very well, both not moving about too much and doing nothing intricate at least it didn't seem intricate when they did it; and they looked well dancing together, both tall and straight and slim; his clothes jet black, hers all white, his head jet black, hers pure gold and coming well above his shoulders. Henry did not like to look at them, and yet he wanted to go on looking at them because they were dancing so well, and because of their rapt expres- sions, the look of extreme contentment on their faces as though they were alone together, dancing in a deserted house. Like all good dancers, they seemed to have forgotton the world round them. Jean's face no longer looked tense and tired; it had a new radiance.
What do you think is going to happen to the war?" Sudden was asking. The war?" said Henry. Things are bound to flare up sooner or later. The war was very far away from his thoughts.
What can the Germans do against the Maginot Line? My God! the Maginot Line. They shall not pass! Petain said in the last war, and by God they did not pass. This time it's the Maginot Line that will hold them. Ils ne passeront pas! They shall not pass! What do you think of the French?" Henry wasn't thinking about the French. He was waiting for the music to be over, for Jean and Trevor to finish their dance. It was here that Ruby and he had danced, all those months ago, and somehow Jean was looking exactly as Ruby had looked that day. submissive, eager to please, ready to surrender He shook off the thoughts rising within him.
The French? said Henry. The French have a wonderful army. of course; the best in the world, they say. And they have the Maginor line.
Not the best in the world," said Sudden. "The British army is the best in the world.
The music seemed to come slightly louder now. A throaty male voice was repeating with nauseating insistence:
Darling how can I prove to you How I long for you, ache for you.
Are you ready for a drunk, sir?' Henry asked Sudden.
' 'Yes thank you. I should like a whisky nd-water."
'Boy!' called Henry. "Boy!"
The tune came to an end, but Jean and Trevor stood just where they were, in the middle of the floor, near the open-mouthed-tiger nig, still holding each other's hands and waiting with expectant half-smiles on their faces; and when the music came on again, their smiles broke out and they continued to dance. It was a tune called Living in the Sunlight, a much faster kind of tune, but they did not seem to be dancing any taster. It was smooth and effortless and polished. And they were perfectly matched, for size and shape and colour; they danced like professionals except that they did not have the hard, set faces of professional dancers. They seemed to be enjoying dancing with each other. Like lovers almost, thought Henry.
Just how friendly had they been on that ship three years ago, he wondered, with the endless opportunities and temptations of ship board travel? They must have seen quite a lot of each other to have won a competition together. Had they been lovers?
There was an insult in the implication, and Henry's mind re- coiled from it. But the thought had gone flashing through his mind and left a soreness and, as he watched them dancing, Henry found a bitterness rising within him. He wanted to get up and hit Trevor, throw him out of his house. He looked at Sudden, seeking some evidence of disapproval. Sudden had closed his eyes and slumped down in his chair, and Sudden was humming, in a croaky gurgling voice, but he was keeping in tune with the music and nodding his head gently from side to side to its beat. The boy has brought your drink, Sir Jeffrey,' remarked Henry.
'Leave it on the table, boy,' said Sudden without even opening his eyes.
They had their first row later that night. He was already in bed. with an issue of the Strand magazine in his hands; but he was not reading, and there was a throbbing pain at the back of his neck. Jean was still pottering round, dressed in her quilted house-coat; she always seemed to find a dozen things to do just before getting into bed.
I don't know what Sudden must be thinking,' said Henry, 'about your calling Trevor "Eddie".
"Why should he think anything? Besides, Sudden too calls him
Eddie,' said Jean, laughing, 'T'd much rather you had said "no" when he asked you to dance." "But I enoyed it, darling. And it was such a relief not to have to listen to the interminable talk of tea and shooting. And he dances like a professional; not that I have ever danced with a professional." She was still laughing, as though at a private joke.
It's hardly a laughing matter, said Henry, resenting her good humour. It is not considered well-bred to be too familiar with the Eurasians."
"Not considered well-bred by whom?" asked Jean in a voice that had gone suddenly sharp, and Henry knew that he had succeeded in making her angry. 'Well, by the sahibs."
"And yet Sir Jeffrey treats Eddie like a favourite son. I don't think he'd have let anyone else handle his Purdy, not even you."
She was quite ignorant about guns, and yet it was extraordinary how much she knew about a man's attachment to his favourite guns. Sudden's got his own fads. But I do wish you would have some consideration for my feelings in the matter."
'Your feelings?"
'Yes.'
'On the question of mixing with Anglo-Indians?"
'Yes.'
"You don't like them?"
It's not a question of liking or disliking them. It is just that they are different from us, the ruling race."
What about the housekeeper at the Club? What about Ruby Miranda?"
Henry turned on her as though she had slapped his face. What about her? You don't know what you're talking about."
I know exactly what I'm talking about,' said Jean. 'Do you think I am blind and deaf? Do you think the women at Chinnar let me forget that she was your mistress here?--that you even wanted to marry her?--that you found a job for her where you could go on seeing her even after we were married....
It's a lie bloody women's gossip! And that was all long before we were married?"
You mean it's no business of mine what happened before we were married?
I mean exactly that. You cannot go digging up things that happened when I was a bachelor. And what about your affair with Tony Barwell, whom you were going to marry.... Yes, what about him?
'Please don't bring his name into this, said Jean in a chilling voice. "You don't know him, you know nothing about him. You would have gone on knowing nothing if I had not told you myself. It was I who told you I was in love with him-that I was going to marry him. I did not keep it all a dark secret....
"At least I didn't want to marry Ruby Miranda...."
That's not because you did not love her, but because she happens to have a touch of colour and you, of course, were the pucca, all- white sahib, afraid of being contaminated. You were also frightened of the consequences... Your career....
You had no business to go prying into my past, believing women's bitchy gossip!"
But I didn't have to go looking, and it was not all gossip either. Do you know what I found this morning, when I was settling the guest-room? A pair of silk stockings tucked under the mattress. I know they are her stockings. No one has to tell me that; a woman always knows. What do you think the servants thought when they saw the stockings? They knew all about it. I know you fitted out the room for her, dismissed the old house boy. I know you gave her the perfume and she smashed it on the floor.... "Stop!" Henry almost shouted. 'Stop it!"
'And I know something else. Jean went on. I know that you are still infatuated with her, deep within yourself. I can feel it: I can feel it every time you look at me, every time you hold me in your arms, every time you make love to me- you are always com paring, always wondering to yourself whether you have made the right decision. You have never given me your whole-hearted love. Henry, although you have demanded it from me. You have always held back-and that a woman can never forgive."
