Our main goal in de-stressing is to pinpoint exactly what is going on in our heads when we overthink. It's about identifying the triggers that set us off as well as the effects of that overthinking once it begins. When we can see the process clearly, we can then begin to take informed action. But the necessary starting point? Awareness.
In this chapter we'll begin with the basics of overcoming overthinking and managing your stress levels, but in each case, what is most important is that we maintain an awareness of ourselves. Awareness is not rumination, though: when we are aware, we simply turn our attention onto both our inner and outer experience, without judgment, and without clinging or resisting. We can cultivate this awareness in ourselves by regularly "checking in" with our bodily sensations, thoughts and feelings, by making sure that our lifestyle is supporting us in the ways we need it to, and by including some form of mindfulness in everyday life.
It's the end of a long day and you're exhausted. You were late for the morning meeting, and had an argument with a colleague. You were given too much work again. The builders outside have been making noise all day long and driving you crazy. Your to-do list is as long as you are and you feel close to the breaking point, when your boyfriend sends you cryptic message saying you "need to talk."
When stress piles on in this way, it can feel utterly overwhelming. It's like playing an ultra-fast game of Tetris, where you can't think straight because there's always another challenge, another crisis demanding your attention. Even though it can often feel like there's nothing you can do about stress (that thought alone is stressful!), there are always ways to stop, take a breath, and notice what's happening.
The 4 A's of Stress Management
This technique can be like a lifeboat in the storm of stress and overthinking. All you need to remember is four techniques: avoid, alter, accept and adapt. It can be a comfort in itself to know that really, there are only these four possible ways to respond to any life stress.
The first thing you can do is avoid. Sounds suspiciously simple, but there's a lot of aggravation in life you can simply walk away from. We can't control everything in life, but we can arrange our circumstances so that we don't have to be in stressful surroundings, or with stressful people. If we're honest, we might see that a lot of the stress in our lives is voluntary-and we don't have to agree to it!
Think about what is stressing you in your environment and how you can take control to moderate or remove it entirely. Consider someone who hates how busy the grocery stores are on Saturday morning. Knowing that this stresses them out, they can rearrange their schedule so they do their weekly shopping at the
