Absolutely nothing prepares you for being a parent.
You may assume, 'I will have so much money, this position, at this stage, at this age, but having a child is the first stage in life where you have no control. You need to do it and do it selflessly.
The conversations I have had with the parents of outliers have brewed in my mind for over ten years. Every time a mother has a conversation with another parent or wonders if she is a good parent, she experiences doubt: 'Am I doing a good job of raising my kids-like my friends have?' My definition of success and how I measure it shifted dramatically when I had children in my twenties, as it does for all of us every decade or, in the case of major life events, half a decade.
This book slowly formed in me as I waited for my daughter to open her door af- ter an argument; it came to me in playgroups, PTMs, parks, at birthday parties, during school application processes and also her adolescent years. One year, while out for dinner celebrating our anniversary, my husband and I talked about how we could do a better job of parenting. It even came up at a family gathering where my in-laws had a different take on things than mine.
There are moments in a parent's life when they do feel overwhelmed, knowing they are making life decisions, which can be scary. I don't know to date if the de- cision to change their school was right, I don't know if athletics was better than football, and I don't know whether the subjects I chose for them today will be rel- evant tomorrow.
I remember my anaesthetist, Dr Ketan Parikh, sharing with all the expectant mothers in his prenatal class a line that I haven't forgotten even after fifteen years of childbirth-every mother, tall or short, fat or thin, fair or dark, rich or poor, can feed if she wants to feed. Why is this important?
I was very fortunate to have been born in Mumbai in a non-abusive and loving family, with an abundance of wealth and love. I had siblings who mothered me, opportunities irrespective of my gender and was able to receive a great educa- tion. I know the world is unfair and not everyone gets these privileges. I have im- mense gratitude for it and so much respect for children who battle the odds and find their goals. In the early years of being a parent, life seems physically hard- there is this one extra human who needs to go through life, whom you need to carry with you. The sleepless nights, the raccoon eyes, the feeding, the pooping and puking saga, and the all-nighters you will pull, will not only test you but ev- ery relationship you've ever had as a man and woman. Your marriage goes through a different phase altogether. You will put every difference aside to show up as parents.
I know that physically and emotionally, for a woman, childbirth is hard. It re- arranges every cell in your body, quite literally. I have so much respect for women who have pulled themselves out of post-partum depression, and their families and partners who have supported them through it. Each time as a parent when you've said, 'This can't happen to me,' it comes alive within you and sometimes within your child.
